Traveling saved my life again
After I came back from my first, big journey to Australia and Malaysia I hardly needed to realize: nothing has changed at home. Everything was the same. My home, the people, the life there. But I really did change. I did grow a bit in my mind, I think. I realized how life can be, how beautiful it can be. In my head I had thousands of ideas, plans, goals I wanted to start. My heart was open, open for something new and for change. It screamed for new adventures and freedom. But home was the same like when I left. And my big plans did not fit in such a small village. But here I was, and it was scary how fast I started to become the girl I was before again. I tried to fit in again, even if I didn’t want that. Suddenly everyone wanted to push me into society, wanted me to study, wanted me to become someone I didn’t want to be. And I let it happen. When I said I wanted to travel and to see the world they always called me a dreamer and lazy and told me I could travel later. But why later? When? When I am old, or with kids, and sometimes later can be too late. So why not now? So I did the worst of all: I started to study something I didn’t wanted to study at all. I just thought I had to. And then I got sick. Sick in my head and heart. I felt terrible every day. I was bored of my own life. I did not leave my flat for days, lying on my sofa, doing nothing at all. I felt exhausted, even if I just went from my sofa to the bathroom. It felt like two steps were the hardest work out ever. I wasn’t sad, or angry,
or happy .. I felt absolutely nothing and it seemed like nothing could make me feel anything. But then a friend told me he was starting a roadtrip with his travelmate in June. And after one second I decided to come with them. I skipped uni at this day, I packed my bags, left my flat and started to earn money for this journey. It was like someone turned on the light in me that day. Suddenly I had hope to be happy again. I could not wait to feel the sun on my face again, the sand on my feet and the smell of the ocean in my nose. I missed that feelings so much. If you once felt the feeling of travelling, you will always trying to chase it. I always had some struggles with depression over the years. When I was almost finishing Highschool I felt the same. It was like nothing could
make me happy. Everything that once was fun for me, like sports or music, did not made me feel anything. I didn’t wanted to sing anymore, even if I used to love it. I did not read, draw, write, or taking photos anymore, because I couldn’t find motivation for it. I always felt tired and sad. I cried for no reason. And some days I felt absolutely nothing than emptiness. These days were the worst. Going through school like that was a fight every day. But I made it somehow. I never talked about my feelings to anyone. I was ashamed, and I also don’t wanted to stress my parents with it. I just wanted to let it end. When I finished school, I decided to find myelf somewhere else. I wanted to leave my hometown and start somewhere new to change. Because I don’t wanted to be the girl I was anymore. And so I decided to fly to Australia. Far away from where I was, and that totally saved my life. The roadtrip I was going to start saved my life. The second time traveling helped me fighting the hardest times of my depression. It wasn’t the right way of healing it forever, but at this time, when I did not want to talk about it with anyone, it always saved me from staying in the darkest place of myself. When I travel I don’t think about anything else than traveling. I’m always at the beach, in the sun. I always explore new places, meet new people and doing what I love – taking photos! When I travel I remember all the things I like to do, and suddenly I feel happieness for these things again. I have no worries, I am free and I can be who I want to be. I don’t know why I am that way when I am at home. Maybe in my hometown I always feel under pressure, because everyone wants me to start a life I don’t want to live that way. And I am really bad in saying no..
Do you have some tips to fight a depression at home?